| One more time.. |
[08 Sep 2004|03:31pm] |
Well folks this is the last time I am going to post in this journal.. I will be making a new one but I am not really sure how much I want to share it.. I will think about it.. honestly.
Well I leave you all with a song.. not that there are many Alls.. but there are a few.. I know that most of you will skip over reading the song.. but oh well.. That's not my problem..
There is a middle-aged woman dragging her feet.
She carries baskets of clothes to a laundromat.
While the Mexican children kick rocks into the street
and they laugh in a language I don't understand.
But I love them.
Why do I love them?
So the neighborhood is dimming as I smoke on the porch
and watch the people as they pass enclosed inside their cars.
And on their faces just anger or disappointment.
I start wishing there was something I could offer them.
A consolation, what could I offer them?
When they are sad in their suburbs robots water the lawn
and everything they touch gets dusted spotless.
So they start to believe that they haven't touched anything at all.
While the cars in the driveway only multiply.
They are lost in their houses.
I have heard them sing in the shower
and making speeches to their sister on the telephone.
Saying, You come home.
Darling, you come here.
Don't stay so far away from me.
This weather has me wanting love more tangible.
Something I can hold because it's getting cold.
So lets hold up our fists to the flame in the sky
to block out the light that is reaching for our eyes
because it would blind us. It will blind us.
Now I have locked my actions in the grooves of routine.
So I may never be free of this apathy.
But I wait for a letter that is coming to me.
She sends me pictures of the ocean in an envelope.
So there still is hope.
Yes, I can be healed.
There is someone looking for what I concealed in my secret drawer,
in my pockets deep,
you will find the reasons that I can't sleep and you will still want me.
But will you still want me?
Well, I say come for the week.
You can sleep in my bed.
And then pass through my life like a dream through my head.
It will be easy. I will make it easy.
But all I have for the moment is a song to pass the time.
A melody to keep me from worrying.
Oh, some simple progression to keep my fingers busy.
And some words that are sure to come back to me and they will be laughing.
My mediocrity. My mediocrity.
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| Hah.. Me.. a sex bomb?! Hah. |
[30 Aug 2004|12:46am] |
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You are a XSYG--Expressive Sentimental Physical Giver. This makes you a Sex Bomb.
You are sexy sex sex sex! The sexness! You are the sexiest, hottest and most charismatic of all types. You are a captivating speaker and a great dinner date -- relaxed, self-effacing, charming and generous. Your type probably has origins in something sad -- trying to keep the peace in a tough family situation, or an early heartbreak -- and you'll probably want to address and resolve that at some point, but in your relationships that heartache is pure gold!
You lie effortlessly -- not necessarily a bad thing. You can have problems with fidelity. You need frequent praise and validation, and in seeking it you can make decisions that aren't consistent with your general good judgment. In other words, don't cheat on your significant other just because someone is paying attention to you.
You strongly dislike conflict, and will avoid it. Like an XPYG, you give so much of yourself to your partner that you feel dismissed and unappreciated if you don't get the same in return. But you internalize your feelings more and have a hard time getting over them. You don't *want* to cheat -- you just keep finding yourself in vulnerable situations. But you'll stay with your partner in the long run from guilt and a desire to please.
Your sex life will always be hot. You are one of the rare people who can keep the fires of passion going forever -- if you find a good match. Find another XSYG and you will never need (or want) anyone else again.
Of the 25485 people who have taken this quiz, 9.1 % are this type.
Oh.. and by the way.. I might be moving to San Francisco. Long story.. and It is a might.. =\.. so yah..
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[21 Aug 2004|03:16am] |
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Today.. Was probably the worst day of my life.. The girl likes some other boy.. I know it.. She even said it.. Figures.. Dump me off to the side and ignore me.. and now I sit.. I need to talk to her.. What Gil called a "What the fuck is going on" talk... ::sighs::Who knows if that will happen.
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| Due to the lack of interest... |
[15 Aug 2004|10:41pm] |
I post. Heh.
Been a while.. San Francisco.. and a Hurricane in between.
Today I went and helped out family who were basicly.. right in the path of the hurricane.. like.. They remember the silence of the eye.. and then the slamming of the wind in a completely different direction than it was blowing a few minutes before.. but yah.. They got pretty lucky.. No bad bad damage.. but I saw houses.. power lines.. Light Poles.. a Cell tower.. just completely demolished.. The large probably.. 110 foot light poles were bent completely down to the ground. .and what was left was flat against the ground.. ( like /\_ that ) >.< Got back much later than I wanted... Stupid reasons too...
All of what happened down where I visited was supposed to happen here in my area... which is pretty frightening due to Mr. Earl. So due to the Hurricane threat.. I had a grand total of 12 people in my house.. Now I have complained about 8.. but 12? Ugh.. We lost two on Friday Night.. they went home thanks to the fact that it completely missed us.. It always manages to miss us... wouldn't suprise me if we get hit soon though.. but.. Step Mom's Dad.. Step Grandfather's Belarussian Girlfriend, and her daughter. Ronald, Lala, Richard, Luba, Eric, Stephanie, Olga, Colin, Michael, Trevor, Carol, and Christian. Joy.. In age order mind you.
On my way home in the car I had so much to say.. now I can't really say it... sucks how that works.. I will write later.. or EMail about.. Thanks..
-Colin
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[17 Jul 2004|09:00pm] |
Ronald is the #21 most common male name. 0.725% of men in the US are named Ronald. Around 888125 US men are named Ronald! source namestatistics.com
Colin is the #378 most common male name. 0.031% of men in the US are named Colin. Around 37975 US men are named Colin! source namestatistics.com
Beebe is the #2135 most common last name. 0.006% of last names in the US are Beebe. Around 15000 US last names are Beebe! source namestatistics.com |
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[07 Jul 2004|02:10pm] |
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In 1986 (the year you were born) |
Ronald Reagan is president of the US
The US officially observes Martin Luther King Day as a national holiday for the first time
The space shuttle Challenger explodes moments after lift off, killing 6 astronauts and a teacher
A major nuclear disaster occurs at the Chernobyl nuclear power plant in the Soviet Union
Japanese video game maker Nintendo introduces its games to America
US warplanes bomb Libyan headquarters in retaliation for terrorist attacks
The Soviet Union launches the Mir space station
IBM unveils the PC Convertible, the first laptop computer
Charlotte Church, The Olsen twins, and Lindsay Lohan are born
New York Mets win the World Series
Chicago Bears win Superbowl XX
Montreal Canadiens win the Stanley Cup
Top Gun is the top grossing film
"That's What Friends Are For" by Dionne & Friends spends the most time at the top of the US charts
ALF, the Oprah Winfrey Show, and Pee-wee's Playhouse premiere
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In about 15 hours, One of my best friends Jonathan leaves Clearwater, Florida to go and begin Boot Camp for the US Army.. I personally think he is doing this out of spite.. to everyone he knows.. because not one person wants him to go.. but what am I supposed to feel? Should I hate him for making this decision that may make me end up losing my best friend? He got a card the other day from his grandmother.. She probably hates the fact that he is going more than most do.. except his mother.. really.. and but she is the only relative supporting him in his decision.. and that made him happy. I suppose that is the only real stance I can take on the situation.. and the only real stance I have taken.. I don't want to see him go.. sure.. but it is to late for that. No one can change his mind... So here I sit.. with my milk.. slightly sweating.. Wondering what the hell I am going to do for the next few years.. College? Sure.. Teacher? Sure.. Short term goals? Live..? Blah. I don't know..
Jonathan never reads this.. I don't even think he knows I have a journal thing.. Let alone that I would write about him in it? He has been a great friend to me.. I love him for that.. He has his moments.. as he likes to put it.. "Where everyone wants to beat your ass" or something a long the lines of that. We are going to write back and forth... I actually look forward to that.. Well Jonahtan... Thanks. That is all I can really say right now... Or all that I can really think of... but once more. Thanks.
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| Bowl of Oranges. |
[30 Jun 2004|11:50pm] |
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accomplished and sick |
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The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming,
so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open.
Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been.
So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets.
But everything seemed different and completely new to me.
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body.
And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet.
I came up a doctor who appeared in quite poor health.
I said "(I am terribly sorry but) there is nothing I can do for you
(that) you can't do for yourself."
He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help."
So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt.
He said, "I think I'm cured. No, in fact, I'm sure of it.
Thank you Stranger, for your therapeutic smile."
So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone.
And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow.
But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself.
It is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope.
That is why I'm singing...
Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying,
I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad,
then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company
through those days so long and black.
And we'll just keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve of Love's uneven remainders,
our lives are fractions of a whole.
But if the world could remain in a frame like a painting on a wall.
Then I think we would see the beauty.
Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges,
like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.
I came to the theater today.. and I parked near a car with it's lights on.. I commented on it to my step mom. When I was leaving.. the kid whose car it was.. was on his phone.. I offered help. Now.. Think about that some.. I offer help to a stranger... I am. .actually kind of proud of myself.. I helped someone.. His car/truck (Aka PT Cruiser) had no way of me pulling in next to it.. so we had to push it back.. across kind of the middle of this parking lot.. we did so.. I helped him jump his Caruck. I helped a stranger.. I guess it is because I have been in his situation a few times.. just that I never had help.. so I offered..
I have a headache.. I had one before I left earlier.. now my stomach hurts.. I feel like puking.. When I got out of my car to come inside the house.. my chest hurt... Am I dying? Of course.. Everyone is... but what is the pace of my demise? I guess that all depends on how I live my life.
Spiderman 2. Better than the first.. I think. And I wasn't very fond of the first one all that much.. ::shrugs::Bruce Campbell.. Yay.. I noticed the fact that the doctor (not Doctor Octavius) was related to Sami Raimi. The Director.. I suck because i know stupid things like that... Oh well.. I think I am going to go to bed really really soon...
Thanks.
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[30 Jun 2004|11:43am] |
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I am home.
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[19 Jun 2004|02:46am] |
Type with your...
nose: c0llin
elbow: colijhh n
tongue: no way... have you seen this keyboard.. ::gag::
chin: colkin
feet: ccoplkiiiiiiiiion
eyes closed one finger: colin
back of hand: co9lijhmn
palm: coklin
mouse: colin
wrist: dcppo;;ll;ion
grandmother: None are around.. sorry.. =/
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| Hmmm.. Not as good as I wanted to be.. but it is something... |
[19 Jun 2004|02:02am] |
Tonight in the distance the heavens battle
Tomorrow the God's shed their tears
The true impact not quite apparent..
and yet a distant rumble can be heard
The battle moves across the land
Ravaging the ground below in a violent malestrom
The prophets prepared it..
and they warned us
And what have we done..?
or rather.. What is there to do?
My armoured car pushing to it's limit to avoid the wraith
The steel rusted and panels failing
Time has taken it's toll.
I feel that sometimes..
When this war becomes constant
I just want to... stand.. in the middle of it
Take it all in... absorb this unexplainable hatred
Let the worries of the god's fall on me tonight
For I shall shed my tears for them all night.
Nature has inspired me this night.
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| Hyde - Cape of Storms |
[14 Jun 2004|12:49pm] |
So where do I sail?
A ship losing control
My cries swallowed up, lost in the ranging sea
So where has love gone?
Will I ever reach it?
The Cape of Storms echoes the pain I feel inside
You'll never notice
The colour of sin
Just as the storm clouds close in
It's dark
Here in the shadows
I am pursued
Until the ends of the earth
Embraced
The ghost ship wanders far
For there is no guiding star
And this treasure has no meaning anymore
So where do I sail?
A ship losing control
My cries swallowed up, lost in the ranging sea
So where has love gone?
Will I ever reach it?
The Cape of Storms echoes the pain I feel inside
You know completely
The taste of sin
Melting sweet in your mouth
Like chocolate
A moment of pleasure
You are fulfilled
But every dream has its time
To die
The ghost ship wanders far
For there is no guiding star
And this treasure has no meaning anymore
Will this be my fate?
So where do I sail?
A ship losing control
My cries swallowed up, lost in the ranging sea
So where has love gone?
Will I ever reach it?
The Cape of Storms echoes the pain I feel inside
I gather that you dislike me using these songs and bands you shared with me as a means of expressing things... you don't feel pride towards that fact that I listen and understand.. and enjoy.. but the fact that I am "stealing" it from you probably comes through alot more... Oh well.. Thanks... and I mean that... Just don't hate me to much.
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[10 Jun 2004|09:41am] |
"I have no particular reason to believe I won't life for another thirty years. But I also have no particular reason to believe I won't die tomorrow. With that realization comes fear, but also curiosity. Death is one of the only a very few things all living things creatures have in common. And of eating, sleeping, breathing, and eliminating, death is by far the most fearsome and the most permanent. We only get one shot at it, without benefit of instruction manual or coach. So even though I often feel alone in my contemplation of personal mortality, I am not."
-Greg Palmer From: Introduction of Death: A Trip of a Lifetime.
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[06 Jun 2004|11:54pm] |
Somethings are so simple.. But with simplicity comes complexity.. Look at the period.. or the dot. Placed at the end of a sentence to represent the end.. Depressing.. But placed like this? like everything I post.. several dots following a word or statement. That is a mark of complexity.
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[06 Jun 2004|08:31pm] |
Twenty dollars
An hour and a half
And the captain was shot in the head.. ::shakes his head::
| co_sama's LJ stalker is moff_to_death! | | moff_to_death is stalking you because your LiveJournal is just SO damned interesting. They are also mentally deranged! |
LJ Stalker FinderFrom Go-Quiz.comThat sums up my weekend.. Sister leaves tomorrow... ;.; One of Danielle's cats was put down this morning ;.; That.. is about it... -Colin..
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[04 Jun 2004|12:57pm] |
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Cold showers are nice....
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[02 Jun 2004|09:41am] |
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 worried |
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Today begins the a time of worry.
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| Nothing Gets Crossed Out |
[01 Jun 2004|04:13pm] |
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The future has got me worried, such awful thoughts. My head is a carousel of pictures. The spinning never stops. I just want someone to walk in front and I'll follow the leader. Like when I fell under the weight of a schoolboy crush. I started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs. I almost forgot who I was, but came to my senses. Now I try to be assertive. I'm making plans. I want to rise to the occasion, yeah, meet all of their demands. But all I do is just lay in bed and hide under the covers. I know I should be brave but I'm just afraid of all this change.
It's hard to focus through all this doubt. I keep making "To Do" lists but nothing ever gets crossed out. Even working on the record seems pointless now. When the world ends, who's gonna hear it? But I try and take some comfort in written words, yeah Tim I heard your album and it's better than good. When you get off tour I think we should hang and black out together. Because I've been feeling sentimental for days gone by...all those summers singing, drinking, laughing, wasting out time. Remember all those songs and the way we smiled in those basements made of music. But now I've got to crawl to get anywhere at all. I'm not as strong as I thought.
So when I'm lost in a crowd, I hope that you'll pick me out. Oh, how I long to be found. The grass grew high. I laid down. Now, wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand. I have been laying so low don't want to lay here no more. I But if everything that happens is supposed to be and it is predetermined, you can't change your destiny. Then I guess I'll just keep moving and someday, maybe, I'll get to where I'm going.
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| Retaliation? |
[31 May 2004|12:00pm] |
| C | Crazy | | O | Orderly | | L | Lazy | | I | Intelligent | | N | New |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
Maybe I don't and won't understand... but I do lisen.. you have no idea how much I listen.. but yah.. whatever.. You need to learn to do some things yourself.. you know? Understand?
The problem with you.. is that you leave everything for someone to guess and say because you are to much of a coward to come up for words for it yourself. I hate guessing. If I have to tell.. then why the hell don't you? And if I didn't? Would you whine and whine until I told you? Most likely... I need to shower.
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